Delirium Diary 3 – All Aboard the Delirium Roller-coaster!

The next minute, it was very dark. I remember feeling very hot. I was on the bridge of a ship. It was a naval training establishment for cadets (very precise!!). Opposite my bed was the ships bridge with a large window. Outside it was black yet I could see water and land but I knew were weren’t at sea. There were people walking around in uniform. We were on some sort of island but connected by a bridge to the mainland. People went out on an exercise and I was left alone. It was peaceful, equipment flashing and beeping but at the same time I remember feeling extremely unwell.

Suddenly lots of equipment was put on my bed and I was wheeled off through bright, quiet corridors. We arrived at a CT scanner. (maybe this bit really did happen, I don’t know!!). I was struggling to breathe and was in unbelievable agony (not an exaggeration). I was laid flat and I nearly blacked out because of the pain. I had to breathe as though I was in labour, just to control the pain and my anxiety. I went through the scanner so many times – I was alone, nobody talking to me and I felt myself begin to panic. I started calling out, banging on the scanner, asking for help and then a voice came out of nowhere telling me to stay calm. 

I was taken on a bed, with all the eqiupment, through corridors to who knows where. It was at night and nobody was about. There were lots of signs and I realised I was in some sort of military testing facility. Then I blacked out……

I woke up. I was now somewhere else entirely different. I was in a huge room – glass wall in front of me, some sort of road to a delivery area outside. People were walking past wearing Christmas hats. My surroundings were confusing – It was like I was in the middle of an interior design magazine photo shoot? There was a very modern kitchen and living room, with a space in the centre which looked as though it could be for Father Christmas. I remember feeling very hot and a nurse came to me with some wet wipes. She encouraged me to wipe my face and arms to cool down and freshen myself. I was so weak, I struggled to do it but I couldn’t get enough of those wet wipes! We had a conversation but in the background, what looked like a film crew were carrying equipment and packing up. I then heard american voices, talking about what time ‘we’ would be going live on air. It seemed I was in the middle of an American Christmas TV advert. Why?!!!!  

It was then all very calm, the film set disappeared and it began to get light outside. I was moved to a very bright corridor. I had cubicles to my left with very loud patients behind the curtains. One in particular kept wailing. I remember having a very friendly nurse, she kept speaking to me but I don’t know what we spoke about. It felt like it was morning, maybe a Saturday? At the end of the corridor, there were swing doors and it appeared to be a ‘cut through’ to a different area. (I acutally thought it was an underground short cut into the town centre which in real life, is about 15 minutes by car!!!). I remember a brass band playing christmas music in the distance and people doing there christmas shopping! 

Sometime later, it grew dark. Two surgeons stood at the end of my bed and told me that they would sort me out. Then my surroundings changed…

I do physically remember remaining in acute pain and being very short of breath. I couldn’t get comfortable. My family came and I remember being quite grumpy. I couldn’t talk properly so perhaps this was the day after I’d woken from the coma? I also remember having an angry rant at a consultant about not being able to breath and being in pain – threatening him that if they didn’t do something, I would go to the private hospital across the road! Apparently my husband has since told me that I did actually do this! Sorry Mr Consultant!

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