The weeks following discharge from hospital were a rollercoaster ride of emotions. When I left hospital, I didn’t expect to feel the way I did. Nobody had prepared me for what I might feel or how I might react to being at home after being away for so long. I guess it’s assumed that you’re... Continue Reading →
Who Am I?
“Whoever you are, what have you done with me”? This was something I found me asking myself every day. Although I was settling in at home, it still didn’t feel right. I found myself looking at the time, thinking back to the ward and what happened at set times. In the evenings, at 8pm I would... Continue Reading →
When I was told that I could start drinking, I was terrified. I’d lived with a hole in my Oesophagus for so long, all I could envisage was liquid flowing out of me like water running from a rose on a watering can! But I was blessed with a fantastic Consultant and medical team – each... Continue Reading →
The Longest Day
31stDecember 2018 – Swallow test number……..who knows! It was a Monday and today was an exciting day. My swallow test on Christmas eve had shown that the hole in my oesophagus was the width of a cotton thread so the expectations of todays test were high! I was in a positive festive mood as I... Continue Reading →
Beginning to Feel Human
I was a patient on Crownhill ward for 10 weeks. It became my second home. My Saturday nights consisted of writing my name on my bedpans for the week and chewing ice chips and spitting them out! So many milestones were reached along with lots of memories made, most of which are too small to... Continue Reading →
Walking To My Parents
Whilst lying on the bed for what seemed like forever, I became really aware of my surroundings. I was still attached to so many bags and drips, one of which was TPN. ‘Total Parenteral Nutrition’ was my food. Tailor made to my bodies needs every day, it went through my 'PICC' line straight into my bloodstream,... Continue Reading →
Walking for the First Time
It was the start of a busy day! A nurse told me that I would be seen be a physio who would get me walking. Walking? I didn’t know how to walk! I had completely forgotten how to walk. How was this possible? Whilst waiting for the physio, I remember fumbling on my phone, looking for videos... Continue Reading →
Delirium Diary 8 – Can anyone else see the LifeBoat?
I was now in a very bright, well light room.....in a car showroom! It seemed the ICU was full and this was on overspill ward - I could see the hospital across the car park!! My bed was tucked out of the way, next to a reception desk. The office staff came in and were... Continue Reading →
Delirium Diary 7 – Pencarrow Players
We carry on from my previous post ('Lie on the couch please'). We're still in the large agricultural shed/hall, still being restrained and unable to leave. I was now on a proper hospital bed. It had been pushed against a wall, along with lots of other empty beds. The hall was dark, infact quite victorian... Continue Reading →
Delirium Diary 6 – Lie on the couch please…..
Suddenly, I was on a railway platform. It was a disused station, with some railway sidings and old carriages. I found myself getting out of my car. I was in a wooded area, some sort of redundant railway line and an old wooden shed ahead of me. It was very quiet. I walked into the... Continue Reading →
Delirium Diary 5 – In a virtual world
It's important to remember that to me - my deliriums happened in quick succession, one after another, almost like a story playing out. Deliriums can sometimes be related to surroundings at that time? For example, later I'll tell you about being held hostage in a religious nursing home in Northern Ireland where a nun would... Continue Reading →
You’ll be home for Christmas…..We hope!
Christmas last year for me was weird. Every day when my consultant visited me or when I’d had a scan, I waited for the words ‘you’ll be home for Christmas’. Believe me, the team wanted me to be home but alas it wasn’t to be. It was a difficult time for me. My mental health began... Continue Reading →
Delirium Diary 2 – Party Time!!
It took 3 attempts to wake me from my coma. Apparently on the 3rd attempt, it was now or never.......... In my 'world', I was at a party. I could see brightly coloured balloons, people dancing - but it was silent. I was aware of people standing over me and I remember my husband shouting... Continue Reading →
Delirium Diary 1 – I missed my wedding anniversary!
This time last year (I had to say it!) was my 2nd wedding anniversary........ I was also fast asleep in a medically induced coma, or heavily sedated if you want the pink and fluffy version! So, what put me there? Early in 2016, I had progressively worsening problems with swallowing solids and liquids. After many... Continue Reading →
Lets do this!
Welcome to 'From Delirium to Reality' Today is the 21st November 2019. 12 months ago my life changed and as dramatic as that sounds, it's true! I won't bore you with the details just yet, but the short version of my story is that what should've been a routine surgical procedure......went wrong! What should have... Continue Reading →