We carry on from my previous post (‘Lie on the couch please’). We’re still in the large agricultural shed/hall, still being restrained and unable to leave. I was now on a proper hospital bed. It had been pushed against a wall, along with lots of other empty beds.
The hall was dark, infact quite victorian looking – gloomy. There was a stage set, with very dim lights. I could see surgeons, nurses….infact the entire Pencarrow ICU team were there. They had all taken time off to rehearse for their annual performance by the ‘Pencarrow Players’! I was still distressed, strapped to a bed and unable to move but having to watch people rehearsing! It was a macabre play: I don’t know what it was about, but it featured a hunchback, a carriage with horses and lots of ugly, beastly characters. I could hear music, that sounded like a train chugging – it had a definite rhythm and something that I focused on immediately (I have a music degree so its no surprise to me that this sticks in my head – to this day I can still sing it back!). Sitting at the mixing desk was the son of my then ‘real life’ supervisor who I’d never met before but heard her speak about! What really confused me was that everything was in super slow motion? Each character moved at a snails pace, gradually moving body parts but speaking normally?!! People would enter the scene and place themselves within ‘display areas’ within the set, to create a sort of wall of actors, like a china cabinet? They had many run throughs but I then found a woman sitting next to me. I remember her perfectly – She was in her 40’s, wore glasses, hair in a ponytail, a white polo shirt, navy blue trousers and seemed very senior and knowledgeable. She sat with me, held my hand and was very calm. She said that she understood how I was feeling but that everything was ok. She explained that I wasn’t able to go home but that I was safe and she would stay with me. She sat next to me for what felt like hours, watching the rehearsals with me. I told her that I’d be quite happy returning to the ward and being there on my own but she wouldn’t allow it.
The rehearsals ended and I felt relieved as it meant we were going…..but we didn’t. EVERYONE was staying overnight, in this shed that we were in!!!! I became more agitated as I just didn’t understand – I wanted to go home.
A young nurse came to me. She was very small, pale with glassess and gave me medication. She was very firm and uncaring…………..The room began to change again. It was quiet with a few people milling about. It was dark and we were now in someones art workshop/home. In front of me was a window – outside I could see the main road. Very specifically the building I was in was a on a roundabout on a junction very close to where I live in real life. I knew I wasn’t far from home. Inside, in front of the window was a small group of musicians playing violins, rehearsing whilst moving very very slowly. They then disappeared and I could see a monster in front of me – flashing lights would be on a repeat pattern. It was some sort of machinery I think? The darkness went on forever but dawn began to break as people began to reappear and a milk tanker drove up the track outside. It was a very basic building with very few facilities but what they did have was state of the art. People began making coffee and having breakfast. My evil little nurse reappeared and began fiddling with things – by this time I was now reconnected to machines by tubes and drains and various lines. She was very abrupt with me, not very nice and I hated her!!! The ‘cast’ began to assemble, they were getting ready to leave for a dress rehearsal up the road. The room changed again……..
‘Pencarrow Players’? I have no idea what that was all about but……I definitely think its something they should consider!!!
From Delirium to Reality 
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