Delirium Diary 6 – Lie on the couch please…..

Suddenly, I was on a railway platform. It was a disused station, with some railway sidings and old carriages.

I found myself getting out of my car. I was in a wooded area, some sort of redundant railway line and an old wooden shed ahead of me. It was very quiet. I walked into the shed, looking for anyone. I was feeling absolutely fine and found myself thinking about what i’d be having for dinner when i got home. I remember the layout inside the building being a mixture of an office space, with hospital couches. This is where it becomes confusing so bear with me!!!!!

I was greeted by a person, asked to sit down and take an exam. Suddenly I wasn’t alone and I was asking people around me for help. I think I was applying for some sort of job. There were a few applicants like me, taking an exam. I remember lots of medical staff walking out of a room into the main space where I was sat. They were undertaking some sort of training day and I was an actor for their role play scenarios. There were animals about, lying motionless on the floor – I couldn’t work out if it was a veterinary surgery, a hospital, an office……… idea!! I was told to lie on a couch and act in a certain way.

Staff came over to me and it suddenly became very noisy, lots of talking. We were carrying out role play. I was then transferred from one bed to another using a bed sheet (i’m sure there is a technical term for that!) and the role play was declared as over. Hooray I thought, I can go home! I sat up and tried to leave to go home………….but I was restrained.

I was told to stay on the bed and that I wasn’t allowed to go home. I became very distressed, very  angry, very violent. I lashed out at everybody and remember thinking that if I could escape and get on a bus, I could get home to my family – I even visualised my route home to my front door.

My surroundings began to change – the shed became more of an agricultural barn, people appeared in one corner, sat down and eating – I think they were on a lunch break. I could see and hear my work colleagues again. I remember calling to them but they ignored me? I heard someone talking to my husband, just having a general chat. They told him I was kicking off and they all laughed……and he left. At this point I had several nurses around me, telling me to calm down, being very firm. I was adamant I was going home but nobody would let me. Why wouldn’t they let me go home?

Then everything changed………..again…………

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