New Years Eve will never be the same…..

3yrs ago today I was at rock bottom in my hospital journey.
Despite the previous weeks fluoroscopy showing the hole in my oesophagus as barely the width of a cotton thread, the scan on NYE showed no change. I was devastated. I was convinced it would be good news but it wasn’t. I was inconsolable. My family and the nursing staff were so kind and supportive but it made little difference. I was convinced at that point that I’d NEVER go home….

Ever since Christmas Eve my bay had become quiet. By New Years Eve it was just me, all alone in a 4 bed bay. The staff were great. We watched big ben on tv as I lay wallowing in self pity and as they kept popping in to chat. Nuggets of positivity and ‘you’ll be home soon’! I just didn’t believe them.

But something was about to happen. I woke up at 3am on New Years Day choking and gagging. I thought I’d done something so got up and walked around but something was in my throat making me gag. In a panic, i went to the nurses station. I was like a cat with a fur-ball – I couldn’t speak or swallow without gagging! The on-call doctor looked at my throat but couldn’t see anything. It felt like my NG tube had kinked, it was sharp and pointy. I was told to wait until the morning when my consultant team would visit and take a closer look. I sat in the chair, gagging scared and tired.

What I didn’t realise was that something amazing was happening! My body had decided enough was enough, it was time to start recovering… was rejecting the NG tube.

Morning couldn’t come quick enough. My consultant was on holiday but his lovely colleague came to see me. He mentioned taking the tube out but due to the hole in my oesophagus he wanted to wait 24hrs when my consultant returned and a decision would be made. I was terrified and the thought of spending 24hrs gagging was horrendous. Minutes later my nurse came to see how I was, shortly followed by the consultant. He said ‘I’ve spoken to Mr **** on holiday and we’ve decided we’re going to take the NG tube out now’!!
I was in shock! Something I’d lived with for so long would be out within minutes….
The NG tube was no longer serving a purpose and as i had drains in, any fluid  leaking would be taken care of.

My fabulous nurse removed the tube and that was the beginning of my road to home.

The point I’m trying to make is that NOBODY knows what tomorrow will hold. You can be at your lowest yet in a matter of hours be at your highest!
Never give up hope, never stop believing and never think that things won’t get better.

Things don’t always happen in the way you expect them too…..

2 thoughts on “New Years Eve will never be the same…..

Add yours

  1. Anniversaries are always tough. Hang in there and well done for being so open. Your words remind and help all of us to remember that better days are ahead, thank you 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Website Built with

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: